Chapter 1. The D has been traveling town to town searching for inspirado and fame. They are in the village of Meadowbrook now, door to door rocking trying to catch their break and make some gold to pay rent.This is a Tenacious D fanpage celebrating the glory of the D with a supreme Dungeons and Dragons campaign! Below is the full campaign story you can run! This was set up with Jables and Kage as bards, Lee as a paladin devoted to the D, and Roadie as the rogue pulling strings off in the shadows. The campaign is chock full of Tenacious D lore easter eggs. Be sure to check out the Magical Items for sale in the main village of the campaign. As well as some of the Side Quests
Chapter 1. The D has been traveling town to town searching for inspirado and fame. They are in the village of Meadowbrook now, door to door rocking trying to catch their break and make some gold to pay rent.
GM:"This is the third house you've been to today for door to door rocking, hopefully this time you'll successfully spread your rock fame and maybe even get a little gold for your performance. You have been traveling town to town searching for inspirado and fame. You're in the village of Meadowbrook now, door to door rocking trying to catch their break and make some gold to pay rent. You have a room rented at the rusty dagger inn for 4 GP per day while you're here. At least they gave you a complimentary map of the region. Meadowbrook is a small kingdom on a great big peninsula off the mainland, popular with traders and adventurers as a stop before traveling through the Dwarven Tunnels of the mountains to the north and hitting the mainland. It has several shops, a temple district, and a royal keep city hall where king bruce and the city hall high council rule over the city and the whole land mass of the peninsula. Meadowbrook is especially popular with musicians, actors, and other performers as it has a large stage at the Globe Theatre, backdropped by distant mountains over the city wall. The temples are home to gods especially focused on instruments, vocals, and other aspects of performing life. While many people here are struggling with famine and poverty, a great performance at the Globe, blessed by the gods, provides a much distraction from the challenges Meadowbrook's residents face. While many are homeless here, those with houses are well off and have influence in society, and you hope this house scoots a little of that your way. The door opens and a lavishly dressed woman holding an equally dapper baby answers with a "hello" Performance check 15 (Pass: GM: "She is impressed and flips you a gold.) Players can attempt two more houses or explore a bit. GM: "As you walk the summer sun beats down on you. Everywhere you seem to look there are aspiring performers trying to make it big. Some are on wooden crates acting out plays, some are strumming shoddy instruments, one group of famished musicians, if you can call them that, has even taken to smacking each other's stomachs like percussion instruments while singing off key. (Peasant: Voice English Monty Python Male) ".. Best shops around for musicians! Too bad I can hardly afford to eat, they all seem to have something rare and magic" GM: " You hear this and other bits of conversation learning more about meadowbrook. You see a tall blonde man with a tunic with embroidery 'Globe Theatre Troop #1 Fan' on the front. (Peasant 2: Voice English Monty Python Male)"They blew my mind... I'm their biggest fan and am fully dedicated in my oath of commitment to them. That's why I got this at the Tailor... Sold everything I had to afford it but being their best most dedicated fan is all that matters!"
Chapter 2. They learn the local King, King Bruce's daughter was kidnapped.
GM: "As you mind your own business, explore, and door to door rock, you spy a crowd of people congregating and speaking loudly to one another. They seem upset and panicking. (Peasant 1: Voice English Monty Python Male) "Many villagers and now even our King, King Bruce's daughter *sniffle* have been kidnapped! No one is safe! Especially not us lowly folk, he'll likely just extort us worse in anger or even blame us!" (Peasant 2: Voice English Monty Python Female) "True ee usually es uh prick, but lest ee es offerin ah uuge *coogh* reward en fame for en ee one whos gets es daughter back."(Peasant 3: Voice English Monty Python Male)"Soooo Bloody nice the wanker! Oooh riches and fame for the 'eero ats save the princess whule at the same time threatening to start torturing civilians *sniffle* daily until someone comes forth with information! N shutting down the Globe Theatre until this is sorted! Cuttin off our only pittance of happiness!"(Peasant 4: Voice English Monty Python Female) "Well King be damned *cough cough* I'll celebrate ooo ever puts this right if even just for the sake of The Globe opening up again for shows."
Chapter 3. They gain an audience with the King, who explains the girl was taken from her room and suggests investigating there for clues.
GM:" You walk through Meadowbrook and follow the dirt road towards the royal keep. A man playing the lyre sings a mumbling song about guards taking his money and a guard shouts (Guard: voice English Soccer Hooligan Male) "Oi! Wha 'id I say! You been warned you have!" GM: "The man darts off, slacks held up by a rope fall off, and the guard follows him at a casual walking pace. as you approach the Royal Keep City Hall you see carts full of food, straw, and fine goods heading through the gatehouse, after the cart operators give a few gold to the guards. When you get near two guards stop you at the perimeter wall gatehouse. (Guard: voice English Soccer Hooligan Male) "Well well whats this about then? You Ed's friend? You bring his protection money?" The party can persuade or bribe the crooked guard to get inside, or sneak by. GM: "Once through the gatehouse you view the city hall royal keep. Compared to the rest of Meadowbrook it is magnificent. Unlike the buildings of the rest of Meadowbrook, which are wood and moss covered, the massive keep has clean squeaky clean gray block walls with stain glass windows displaying a vibrant rainbow of color. An attractive well groomed muscular man in purple tights and jerkin runs up to you, his silver shortsword bouncing on his hip.(Servant: voice Sassy Flamboyant Man)"Hello and welcome to the royal keep city hall! My name is Ronnie, I'm one of the ambassadors of the keep to visitors! If you are here to see the king regarding the princess, right this way! Please don't touch anything! Except perhaps me *winks at a party member*" GM:" You follow the man servant through the large mahogany and gold double doors of the keep and through a corridor lined with guards decked out in chainmail with halberds. Every several feet is a display pillar with golden vases, goblet, and jeweled sculptures of silver, showing off the King and high council's power and wealth. Your footsteps click on the marble mosaic floor but once you enter the main hall of the keep the sound is drowned out by an impressive blast of music. Skilled musicians line the walls some playing a symphony of triumphant horns as others strum ethereal dreamlike ambiance on harps. At the center of the room is a long table where the high council feasts" (Servant: voice English Flamboyant Man)"Stay put right here a moment then! The king is wrapping up with the last meeting and then we will approach and you may speak. Those well fed elderly gentleman at the long table are the high council of Meadowbrook city hall. Best not to offend them or the king. Do you have a map? Barnabus probably etched that out, skilled fellow, I think he's the only council member that retained his wits and his humanity when he was appointed. Whoops listen to me rattling on! I've said too much! Never mind that, things are wrapping up! Let's go! your turn now!" GM: "King Bruce is an elegantly draped toad of an old man on his throne at the center of the long table. He is leaned fully back in his throne with his tunic open and hairy chest exposed and a young boy is painting his chest with some kind of gold paint. The boy is head to toe painted in gold, even his eyelids, and is only wearing only a thong. The king pushes a greasy kielbasa into his mouth and chomps down, fat, melted cheese, and grease drips from his chin to his chest. Sausage grease mixes with the gold paint, shimmering and glistening." (King Bruce: voice Lotr Wyrm) "No no... I said stroke in circular motions! Damn what else could go wrong! First my daughter then this fool boy paints me all wrong! What do you want?" The party explains their willingness to help rescue the princess and the King gives the details. (King Bruce: voice Lotr Wyrm)"My pure sweet daughter… since my wife has passed away.. the last of my line and apple of mine eye. Scoundrels stole her away from the bosom of her bedroom in the night! She is my angel in disguise! My Flarna. Bring her back to me and you will be handsomely rewarded with wealth and fame as people memorize and immortalize your names and spread tales of your great deed! The sounds of her clogging feet usually fill this great hall and I now try to drown out the silence of her absence with this grand symphony of music. Go to her room where she was stolen *snaps fingers* Barnabus! Barnabus here is knowledgeable and trusted member of city hall high council, he will assist you, answer your questions, and escort you anywhere you want to go in the city hall royal keep." The party can search the castle for clues.
Chapter 4. Clues lead them to the Globe Stage to speak with the bards and actors.
They will eventually need to search her room, where they find her hidden journal with an investigation check DC 10. GM: "You sift through the journal and learn she was at Globe Stage for a spinal piercing and clogging convention earlier in the day the night of her disappearance. She mentions meeting an odd fellow, an actor with olive skin and black hair named Vince, who asked her many odd questions and was following her." They will need to make their way to the Globe Stage to speak with the actors. GM:"As you approach the Globe Stage you the sun is setting quickly and the sunset paints the sky in amber and fire as the distant mountains jut up from the earth like rows of jagged red dragon teeth in the background. The stage is a large wood raised platform with a long narrow building at the rear. Windows on the building allow different set backdrops to be set up for plays and performances. The stage is surrounded by long wooden plank seating, stadium style configuration. There are various crates and boxes behind the plank seating for latecomers to stand on and catch a view of the performances. You see several flamboyantly dressed men and women sitting on the stage, dangling their feet, laughing and joking." The party can speak to any of the Globe Theatre Troupe. (Felix Char: voice Felix Char) "Yes the olive skinned Dark haired actor in question was transient, don't know much about him or where he is now. He was using a a dressing room to prepare for show with us. He was going to be a stand in and never showed up for the show. You can check the dressing room if you'd like. It is inside the building on the stage behind us."
Chapter 5. Clues lead them to the Silver Fingers Instrument Shop.
GM: "Searching the dressing room you find a puzzle box under a stack of costumes that seems out of place like someone forgot it in the mess. HISS is written on the box" the code to open corresponds to the numbers of the alphabet for the word SNAKE. Opening the box by any means they find 15 gold and a stack of notes, mostly gibberish but one stands out saying "meet Captain Ed at Silver Fingers Instrument Shop for the necessary supplies."
Chapter 6. Clues lead them to the Brothel where they are ambushed and cursed.
GM: "Entering the Silver Fingers Instrument Shop you are immediately impressed by the massive selection of finely crafted instruments and musical accessories of all types. Lyres, Lutes, Flutes, Drums, you name It! There are pics and clamps, tuning forks and carrying cases. The main counter has a display case showing off what appears to be a handful of especially expensive and exquisitely crafted goods. They sparkle and glow, almost magically, with a spectrum rainbow radiant aura of color as the soft lighting of the shop hits their surfaces. Behind the counter sits a stocky heavy set older dwarf with a great big black beard and black hair. His beard has a touch of gray. He is wearing a captains hat and a faded blue shirt with rolled up sleeves and a tan and orange unbuttoned vest. He smokes a pipe with his hands on the counter. Behind him is a cork board with local music gigs, upcoming concerts, and a flyer that says "Sasquatch isn't real" with a big red x over the silhouette of what looks like a half man half ape humanoid. Speaking to Captain Ed about the mystery actor, at first he is hesitant to talk about customers private dealings. A little gold or DC 5 persuasion will do the trick. (Captain Ed: Voice: Captain Ed from the D's HBO miniseries) "Yea that guy met here with three other shady looking fellows and spoke in whispers in the back of my store. They thought they were being sneaky but I could hear them. I was born gifted with better than average hearing, it helps me pick up on things wrong with instruments and ways to make em better. So yer mystery guy told the others to meet at the brothel with the supplies. One of em simply asked "hot bubble tub room?" And your guy said "Indeed." Your guy purchased some rare materials occasionally used for instrument maintenance, special raven bone reeds and satyr blood string wax. I figured it was some kind of kink thing and didn't think much else about it. You spend your life in the music enterprise and not much phases you anymore. Are you guys in a band? I was in a band once, a few of em. I once rode a cart into an inn, had a 3 way with a pair of siamese twin dragonborn, ate en entire horse. But that's not the whole story. 312 Second Era. Ilsidur Plant And The Halflings are on stage at the Satyr Sprigwood. Shadowstrom Page is backstage throwing up. Mama Cass is stirring up a pot of her famous spaghetti pie. Stormshadow Japlin is washing dishes and throwing up. Then the guards bust in. *taps pipe into an ashtray and keeps talking... ages later the ash pile in the tray is a huge mountain.* My lute is on fire. I'd been up all night shooting cheeseballs, thats Dreamwyrm Dust and cheese mixed together. When I woke up the next morning I was in a Tiefling prison, total setup. That's not all. The whole bard star mythos is a lie. Like believing in Dragons or Sasquatch. Look at me! I'm your future! Let the dream die! let the dream die! *whispers* Let it die... but yea those guys were definitely on their way to the brothel." The party will have to head over to the brothel next and can check the room but are pressed to hire a brothel employee for an hour to gain access. In the room they are ambushed by the 2 cultists waiting in the closet side hatch. One has oil. GM:"The closet door bursts open and two ominous armed men jump out. One has a bottle of what looks like oil and a dagger. The other has what appears to be "perfume" and a dagger. They both reek of incense. As they burst through you hear loud music from elsewhere in the brothel starting up, some heavy rhythmic funky tune of twangy lutes chords and deep steady fast paced drums." (Cultist with oil: Voice 50s Mobster) "Haha! Surprise from the side hatch! Just knew some do gooder would come snooping around, on to us eventually! Figured best we hung back to kill off anyone who seemed to be making progress tracking us this far!" During combat the perfume is used to curse the party, the bad guys are killed no matter what. One of the daggers is pretty nice quality, balanced, and has the words 'French Tickler' engraved on the blade. The dagger, on striking an opponent the victim must make a constitution saving throw DC 5. On fail they fall prone laughing. The curse perfume is a one time use item that gets used by the enemy at the beginning of combat, DC willpower 20 save for no effect. The curse temporarily makes the affected party members look like sloth from the goonies and reduces HP by half temporarily.
Chapter 7. They must speak to the Gods at all Temples to remove curse and bring the spirit of the ambushers back for questioning.
GM:"As the two ambushers lay dead and the room grows quiet the door swings open. A pale tattoed brothel employee with jet black hair and a nose ring stands in the doorway gawking. She is accompanied by a guards who wears black leather armor and has a steel mace ready for use." (Brothel Employee. Voice:Russian Female)"What is going on in here!?!". GM:"After explaining the situation the girl eyes them a long time." (Brothel Employee. Voice: Russian Female)" Brothel workers are familiar with catching nasty things and by the looks of you I would say you are carrying a curse. You MUST seek a cure at any of the temples. The Gods Dio, Iommi, Ozzy, Betty, Butler, and Sean Cox are the gods worshipped in this kingdom and will appear to you in each respective temple. You need only to pray to them there. Such a ghastly curse can surely only be lifted by the will of a god." Conversing with any of the gods, the first thing they will want to know is how this curse happened. After explaining the situation the god will suggest bringing back the ambushers' spirits to question them. The gods can force a spirit back to the mortal plane temporarily, but all six gods must agree to it. GODS ARE…1. God of Roadies Sean Cox. Voice: Roadie from Wayne's world. Jist: A god that often appeals to Rogues. Always toiling and working unseen in shadows and unappreciated, pulling the strings that keep the show of the universe playing. Strung out. 2. God of Bards Ozzy. Voice: Ozzy. Jist: A god of that often appeals to bards who lean towards spells or styles that emphasize vocals, madness, deception, or dark gothic vibes. Always very high. A bit lazy. 3. God of Bards Dio. Voice: Dio. Jist: A god of that often appeals to bards who lean towards spells or styles that emphasize vocals, colors, love, or mystery. Always speaks in riddles. Focus is on rainbows, color, and deep passionate emotions. A bit diva and detail oriented. 4. God of Bards Tony Iommi. Voice: ES sheograth. Jist: A god of that often appeals to both paladins and bards as he emphasizes both music and unyielding dedication. Lotr Tom Bombadil inspired. While other gods come and go in and out of fashion Iommi is an ancient eternal force that sees past human drama and conflict. Conscious outside the story and treats character's plights as interesting oddities. Metal finger. Cheery. 5. God of Bards Geezer Butler. Voice: soft spoken quiet voice. Jist: A god that often appeals to bards who have no set 'style' and seek mastery of many instruments or are passionate about lyric writing. Always plucking his bass guitar. 6. Godess of Paladins Backstage Betty. Voice: surfer hippie burnout girl. Jist: a goddess queen of the groupies that appeals to paladins. An eternal force of oath, commitment, and unyielding dedication. The other gods fawn over her. Each temple is decorated in ways that emphasize the god's personality. Each god appears when prayed to at the temple. DC Religion 10 reveals their chances of persuading these gods will be at advantage if the party member that initiates the prayer is the appropriate class and request is made while flattering some aspect of the god's personality. They can be convinced through various persuasion, sacrifice, deeds, or gold offering. The party brings the cultists' spirits back to question them or if this plan doesn't pan out they investigate elsewhere and find a message left between bad guys explaining to meet at Jesus Ranch after dealing with any do-gooders.
Chapter 8. Clues lead them to Jesus Ranch.
GM:"With all gods in agreement that the spirits shall be forced back through time and space to account for their deeds to the D, the sky flickers with sparkling shockwaves of spectral color and the vegetation turns vibrant green as the air ionizes. A fist sized black hole appears floating in the air in front of the party and out of it squeezes two cherub like naked humanoid creatures with tiny white wings and golden halos floating above their heads. As they flutter in front of you they gently strum tiny golden lyre instruments. You recognize the faces as the ambushers who cursed you, yet they have fat little baby bodies." (Cherub1. Voice 50s Mobster)"Hello loves. We are sorry for the violence and curses.How can we make it up to you in these fleeting moments of our last crossing?" The party will inquire about their plan/motives/princess. (Cherub1. Voice 50s Mobster)"I'm sorry, we knew only part of the plan. The princess was the last piece of the puzzle. The last virgin Bondo Veltroth wanted to secure for the ritual that would bring darkness and chaos and power and lots and lots of hot demon gel. Before we came to town to tie up loose ends, memories fade and become dream like now, we were in a camp with others. There was much debate of a location, Jesus Ranch, being a potential ideal spot to set up a more permanent base of operations for Veltroth. We can't recall the camp location. Our sweet supple memories of mortal life feels like ancient history and rapidly slips away." The party is to investigate Jesus Ranch. Nearing the ranch... GM: "As your party journeys through the wilderness you come to a large hill. Reaching the top, huffing and puffing in the sun, you are hit with a strong smell of poo. From the top of the hill, previously blocked from view, you now see a small farm settlement. That explains the smell. This must be Jesus Ranch. You approach the ranch and see elves. Male and female dressed in simple clothes, without shoes, and flowers woven into their long hair. They are busy with a variety of typical ranch life tasks, toiling in the field or hammering new boards onto the side of the ranch houses. But some of their activities are a bit unusual. There is one section of the field where large mounds of sand are piled up and workers are brushing sand off of giant overgrown tomatoes, pulling them from the ground. The tomatoes must be 40 lbs or more! You also see a perfect line of several female elves walking and each carrying a massive potatoes. The potatoes are probably 3 ft length and weigh almost 25 lbs. The potatoes are decorated with flowers and colorful paint and as the women walk past other elves lean over to pet the potatoes lovingly and kiss them tenderly. A beatuful female elf approaches you as you near the ranch houses. She has vibrant braided blonde hair and skin like mahogany, tanned from the sun. (Star: Voice Female Surfer) "Welcome travelers! I'm Star. Welcome to Jesus ranch! Please have some tea and mushrooms! *offers tree bark platter of refreshments* We grow everything here composting the soil with our excretions. We waste nothing and live for sharing everything we have. What can we offer you?" After some conversation they learn Star's friend Kyle may have the location of the bad guys. (Kyle: Voice Male Surfer) "Oh yah, I was foraging on the perimeter of the ranch and found this patch of succulent juicy looking silver striped mushrooms. I ate a bunch of em cuz I was crazy huuuuungry. Then next thing you know I'm floating on purple jello clouds and chasing after the most beautiful double rainbow! In my travels I saw these like... prisoner dudes in a scary camp being beaten by real bad looking guys. They where like in a snake cult or something, there was a ton of snake stuff. I marked down the location on a map I had on me, then vaguely remember getting back to the ranch, I guess I was gone a few days, but then I stashed the map somewhere while I was still in a hazey state and don't remember where. Maybe if I eat one of those silver striped mushrooms again and I'll remember where he hid that map." Survival DC 10 the party finds the mushrooms. Investigation DC 10 of a bed in the ranch they find a bed post hollowed out and map stuffed inside. Medicine check of the mushroom reveals it is a rare magic species 'Striped Ozzies', that have the potential to randomly transport the user to a place they have been previously if they fail a DC 10 wis saving throw and drug them to see vivid hallucinations for 1d4 days.
Chapter 9. Clues lead them to look along Lonesome Road.
Finding the map an area is marked off "here-ish". They must travel and search along that section of Lonesome Road. GM:"As you walk along the lonesome road you kick up the yellowish brown dust and small rocks along the path. It surely is lonesome. Other than mountains in the far distance you don't see another soul The land itself is mostly open hilly plains, with each hill blocking your biew of what lies ahead or where you have recently been. A smattering of trees here and there and an abandoned cart wheel are the most interesting sights you have passed so far as the intense sun pounds your cheer and willpower into submission. Walking along suddenly there is a fizzle and crackling static sound all around you and with a roar a jet of flame shoots straight up 100 feet from a tree stump near the road. The flame subsides and a long black shadow bleeds out of the top of the trunkstanding 5 feet tall. The shadow figure zips into the middle of the road in front of you and with the sound of a whip cracking in anger the figure seems to pull in color from the surroundings and fill in slurping up wet paint like an artist's canvas being brought to life rapidly. The figure now reveals itself to be a red demon with vile jagged horns and a long pointed ghotee. It's skin is still wet and shiny from the transition. (Shiny Demon. Voice:Tribute Song Demon):" *SNORT* Plaaaaaay the best sooooong in the world... Or I'll eat your souls..." The demon wants to hear the best song in the world or he'll eat their souls. DC 35 performance check combined for Jables and Kage. On success GM:"The demon is stunned. His swumpy pointed tail whip cracks, and he falls to the ground done. His body bubbles and melts into the thirsty earth leaving a black stain in his figure that will insoire song and story for whoever passes it on this lonesome road for years to come. And just as soon as the last lyrics escape your lips and the last lute note fades into silence, the memory of what you played to succeed here seems to be pulled from your mind and forgotten into oblivion." Heroic inspiration is given to the party. Massive XP reward. The God Dio, so impressed, will divulge the exact location of the enemy camp. If failed on the performance the demon declares the performance so abysmal that his appetite is spoiled for their souls. He casts a demon greed spell instead, DC 15 WIS saving throw and steals 1/3rd the party gold and does 3d6 fire damage before cackling and disappearing like a mirage. Saving the throw just 1/4 gold and 1/2 damage. Just over the hill and around the next bend the party finds the camp.
Chapter 10. Clues lead them to Mirkwood to find Sasquatch.
GM:" You travel over a hill and around the bend of the lonesome road and off the path behind a cluster of trees something catches your eye by chance. It looks like a tent." The party may choose to be sneaky or scout it out or what have you. When they get closer... GM:" Approaching you find what appears to be the cultist camp. It would seem you are too late as the camp is empty and only abandoned shoddy tents and long extinguished firepits remain. You see a long log with a dozen or so chains wrapped around it."DC 5 Investigation of chains reveals small animal bones and fingernail scratch marks on the log. It appears prisoners were kept chained here. DC 10 Investigation general area reveals maybe two dozen different sets of footprints. Based on the heavy traffic patterns in the ground it seems the group was here for several weeks. DC 5 Investigation of tents... "While investigating you find a notebook that was stuffed under the wall of the tent and evidently forgotten." Notebook...(Cultist. Voice:50s Mobster)"We spotted the Sasquatch watching us again today. The clever sas keeps outsmarting the scouts, retreating to Mirkwood and we can't catch him, Veltroth is getting worried he knows too much, including the location we have begun setting up as a permanent base. If we don't catch that Sas and, however unlikely, he leads someone to the base things could start to unravel quick. It's a loose end that needs tying up just in case!" The party will have to look for signs of the Sas and track him down. DC 5 Animal Handling the party will find Sasquatch fur and scat and be able to follow clues to narrow down the location of Sas. They can also use Speak to Animals to question wildlife and ask for help putting them on the right path. They eventually find Sasquatch... GM:" As you approach the edge of Mirkwood Forest you are taken back by how massive and tall the ancient trees are. It was hard to judge their scale in the distance but closer now they are a wall of solid giants holding a line against the plains. There, between the trees and dwarfed by their towering height, a half human half apeish creature casually swaggers out of the forest and into the clearing." The party can try to sneak up and restrain the Sasquatch. DC 10 stealth and DC Grapple 10. if they fail he will retreat to a cave den in the forest and the party will follow and corner him... "As you pursue the Sas into the forest you feel a chill of fear run down your spine as the forest feels unwelcoming and trees give a hostile vibe towards human life, after knowing thousands of years of chopping, burning, and breaking branches. You spy the Sas just ahead, hi climbs over a large pile of rocks, fakes left and runs right." (DC Acrobatics 5 to climbe rocks). GM:"As you gain on him he slides across the muddy ground and crawls under a thorny bramble bush. He gets up and fakes right then runs left." (DC Nature 5 to determine the bramble species is capable of poisoning you and targeting it with magic makes it shrivel into the ground.) After crossing the bramble... GM:"You gain on the Sas as he looks back with fear and runs into a cave den." once the party goes in the cave... GM:"Entering the cave it is very dark... you can't see much but it smells like monkey man." If the party uses light or waits for their eyes to adjust... GM:"You can see this cave is set up like a little home complete with bed and table and chairs. A makeshift drum set is in one corner of the room. broken acorns and bits of berries are on the table. An old blanket hangs on the wall of the cave and "Worlds best drummer" is written on it in stains from mashed berry juice." DC 5 Perception check they can see big furry feet under the wall blanket, it appears Sas is standing in a little nook in the wall behind the blanket. DC 5 Performance check will also lure Sas out as he loves music. (Sasquatch. Voice: Sas wookie) "Pleeease don't hurt me! What do you want?." They must use animal handling or persuasion to convince him they are friendly and calm him down. Once convinced... (Sasquatch. Voice:Sas wookie)"I do know where those mean men is now, but wants help to defeat the monster that calls itself "kicker of elves/angel crusher" a fiend from from an ancient time, who has stolen my baby Sas before I will help!" After agreeing to help...GM:"Sas gathers a few things and then leads the party deep into Mirkwood, where the trees seem to be consciously closing in on them, trying to force them to navigate back out of the forest. Though Sas is moving slowly and waiting for you, the forest seems to have other plans.(DC Athletics check 5. The party risks getting lost if they fail the appropriate DC checks to keep pace with Sas.) If pass check... GM:"The deeper the party moves into the forest the darker it gets as the heavy canopy above blocks out the sun. You hear animals skittering and can't help but to imagine horrors like giant centipedes or spiders. You hear the groan and creak of ancient giant trees. How do you manage the dark?" They will have to find light sources. GM:"As you move deeper and deeper into the forest you encounter a large canyon that seems to drop into the middle of the earth with no end in sight, only blackness. Sas runs on a fallen log that extends out over the drop, then jumps to grab a vine and swings across to the other side, then throws the vine back your way." Arobatics checks to navigate obstacle DC 10, on fail the victim falls but is caught by a giant toad's tongue and the toad crawls out of the canyon for combat. Tree is knocked over canyon for safe passsage during fight. After the canyon... GM:"You continue to follow Sasquatch as he weaves between trees and brambles. As you walk you see what appears to be a hollow in one large tree and within it a glowing golden sword hilt sticks out." Sas is unfamiliar with this tree. Nature check reveals this to be a Mimic man eating tree and if someone tries to grab the sword it turns out to be a tongue like lure appendage of the minic monster and combat starts. After the mimic tree... GM:"Your stomach grumbles and you grow thirsty." Party uses rations or may possibly forage for water and food. DC Survival 5. If they take a long rest a storm of lightning will start and they will need to find shelter or take 1d6 lightning and 1d6 bludgening damage DC Survival 5. If they fail following Sasquatch a group of Wood Elves will assist them in re-uniting with him after they are attacked by wolves. Eventually they reach the monster's nest with Sas... GM:"You ascend a hill in the forest and when you reach the top you see down low on the other side a clearing. In the middle of the clearning is a giant 30 foot diameter throat like hole in the ground lined with jagged teeth and quivering pillows of fleshy green skin dripping with slime. In fromt of the hole dances a strange satyr like creature with hoved feet, furry legs,a man's torso, and goat like from the neck up. The thing bleets and strums a lute that glows with a rainbow aura of color. Strapped to its back bounces a quiver and shortbow. Tied up to a tree in front of the dancing thing is a baby Sas, looking confused and afraid." (ThroatGoat. Voice: Half Goat Man)"I a-a-a-m Kicker of E-e-e-lves! I am A-a-angel Crusher! I dance before the throat of the world! It grows every second I feed it your fear little one! fe-a-a-ar me! Twas a pin hole created by mine magic and just look how far it has gr-o-oown!" The monster can be snuck past to rescue baby Sas DC Stealth 20 and DC Sleight of Hand 5 to untie baby Sas. Failed sneak attempt will result in monster pelting party with bard spells and arrows. As soon as the monster sees the party it will engage them in a difficult battle. Slaying the monster will close the throat hole, provide large XP gain, and drop the monster's lute and bow which are magical and valuable. The lute is the "Open Mic Night Lute". Once per long rest it can be used to swap any ability check with a performance check. The shortbow is the "Bow of the throat goat". A valuable and beautiful +1 bow of rare antiquity elvish design. This bow scores critical hits on either natural 19 or 20 rolls.
Chapter 11. Sasquatch leads them to Veltroth's lair in the abandoned tower.
GM:" True to his word after rescuing baby Sas, Sasquatch helps the party, leading them through the rest of Mirkeood Forest safely. You feel a loving hot blast of warm sun all over your body as you take those final dteps out of the treeline. According to your map you are in Plentiful Valley now. Sasquatch explains he saw the evil men take the prisoners into an old abandoned tower amongst ancient ruins to the north." Kobolds in the valley can be fought or DC 15 Animal Handling reveals they are just hangry and want the low hanging fruit that sits just out of reach in the trees unique to the valley. After dealing with the Kobolds... GM:"As you travel you find a body of a young woman dressed in similar garments as the men who ambushed you back in Meadowbrook." Inspectting the body reveals puncture wounds and black lines under the skin, spidering out from the punctures. DC medicine 5 reveals she succomed to poison. DC nature 10 reveals it was a poison bramble that grows commonly on the edge of forests that likely did her in. A journal on her body reveals the cult leader Bondo Veltroth has taken all of the prisoners, trapped them in a magic mirror, and plans to sacrifice them to bring forth a massive demon that will drown the whole peninsula in hot demon gel. party continues to travel to the tower... GM:"Your party follows Sasquatch North, out of the valley, into higher elevation and open plains. As you travel you begin to see you are approaching the ruins of what was once likely an impressive fortress outpost of a long forgotten empire. Most of the walls are toppled and overgrown with moss and tall grass. Once impressive towers and spiraling staircases now lay scattered, like a child's toy blocks knocked asunder. Sas urges you to stay low and as you approach a knocked over column he points to one tower in particular that withstood the trials of war, time, and the elements. It still stands tall and defiant despite obvious age and weathering. Two men sit near a door at the tower's base". Sas whispers this is where they took the prisoners and he will go no further and needs to get home with baby Sas.
Chapter 12. Tower dungeon crawl and Bondo showdown. Hand mirror retrieval. Bondo used magical item hand mirror that trapped prisoners and king's daughter in another dimension within the mirror
The two men standing in front of the door are cultist guards disguised as traveling commoners looking for a place to rest while they treasure hunt the ruins looking for artifacts. A DC 10 Perception reveals the boots to be similar to the other bad guysc they have similar tired bloodshot eyes, and a similar accent. The party will find the door locked, one of the men has a key for it. Once inside the tower it appears empty. the roof is collapsed and they can see the sky. There are a few worn tables, a decaying bookshelf, a rusted set of armor knocked over, and several crates. DC 5 investigation of the crates shows one of them to look out of place as most of the dust has been knocked off of it, where all the other crates are covered in dust and cobwebs. Moving the crate reveals a large wooden hatch door. The hatch door opens to a ladder that drops 12 feet or so down to a cobblestone floor that flickers with torch light. This is the dungeon entrance and secret hideout of the evil cultist wizard Bondo Veltroth. The dungeon is full of cultists, a harpy, animated hands, cockatrice, a hell hound, animated armor, traps, and a puzzle. The last room in the dungeon ends with the cult leader battle. His room contains a bunch of mirrors that duplicate him and the party must hit the right mirror to do damage while being pelted with spells. Investigation check 20 reveals one mirror is different and that is the correct spot. Killing Bondo the party finds the mirror holding the prisoners hostage as well as a note explaining the origins of the mirror, stolen from an ancient red dragon's bed of treasure. The note also has a release word for the prisoners written in a language the party does not understand. Attempting to leave the dungeon the players find the exit blocked by enemies. GM:"As you re-enter the main entrance there now are 8 cultists there. The dark hall is illuminated by torches which flicker and make the guards’ shadows dance menacingly on the damp, dungeon walls. The cultists spin to face you as you enter the hall and one of them takes a few steps forward towards you and sighs wearily. He is wearing the same robes as the others, has jet black hair and olive skin. (Vince: Voice 50s Mobster) “You know… I’ve had a weird week so far. So Bondo sends a few of us to Meadowbook to keep an ear to the ground for any do gooder wise guys that seem capable and intent on ruining his little party and give them the hard goodbye…. Okay fine, but he wants us to hide in closets and jump out at them when they least expect it. In my head I’m like… well what if they look in the closet.. or what if they don’t ever go in that room? Whatever, fine, dumb plan but you don’t question Bondo, he’s sensitive like that. Guy gets emotional, you know? Anyways so we get word we’ve got some of these guys snooping around sticking their noses where theys don’t belong. We think they may go to the brothel so we sneak in and split up between the rooms. We wait.. and wait.. and wait.. eventually I’m like ‘hey Eddie I gotta shit man.’ And he’s all ‘but uh Master Bondo said to stay in the closet eh? if we mess this up he’s gonna kill us o gheez.’ (Eddie: Voice 50s Mobster)’What that’s what he told us! Anyway I don’t sound like that evens!’ (Vince: Voice 50s Mobster) ‘Okay Okay! Settle down. Smoke some longbottom. Anyway so I gotta shit and another what feels like an hour passes and I tells Eddie it’s serious and he says the same think and wont budge. Another, who knows I’m in a damn closet, maybe 20 minutes passes and I smell shit… Eddie what the fuck did you shit your pants? Guy shits his pants the whole room is gonna smell like shit they’re gonna walk in here and start looking for where the smell is coming from! Bam there goes our element of surprise and I tells Eddie this. We might as wells quick go get cleaned up and I can pinch one off and hurry back. So we sneak out the window and I looks back and Eddie got shit all over the window climbing out. ‘Eddie what the fuck?!’ I says. Now we gotta clean that up when we get back. So we sprint bush to bush to the pond in town and jump in to clean up. At this point I’ve been holding it so long and I’m so agitated I can’t go. We double back with a rag Eddie lifted off a cart, it took forever to find something, but anyways by the time we get back the place is in a panic, our guys are dead, and the mark is already long gone. We gotta head back to Bondo but no way am I starting a journey like that already constipated so we lift some commoner clothes and I go to see if I can buy some prunes or something, prune guy was robbed by shifty village guards who wanted to extort him for protection money or some noise, so he’s got nothing.. anyway I eventually have this great big donkey shit and we can go. WHAT A MESS. Heading back, I like to stop and feed the kobolds in the plentiful valley forest. Poor little guys is just hungry and when you’re 3 ft tall and there’s tons of fruit just outa reach you get irritable. So ya know I just, I donno I like to help em out. All the bad shit I’ve done in my life at least I can do that. So we gets there and some assholes killed all the Kobolds! They just… left em there. I’ve been feeding em for a damn near a year now. Anyways I bury the Kobolds, we keep going and I get back to find Tony and Jimmy have been at it again and fell asleep on each other and they can’t remember how it happened. Next I hear the cockatrice busted out and killed a couple of our guys, what next I says! Now I see you… look… Eddie what have ya all got on you?’ (Eddie: Voice 50s Mobster) ‘aaah my cloak, a dagger, and some lint’ (Vince: Voice 50s Mobster)’yah. And you Tony?’ (Tony: Voice 50s Mobster)’dagger boss. And a cloak. Oh and I did have a piece of bread with drippings on it but I ate that.’ (Vince: Voice 50s Mobster)’uh huh. And you Jimmy?’ (Jimmy: Voice 50s Mobster) ‘Dagger. Clo…’ (Vince: Voice 50s Mobster) ‘Right you get the idea. Now look at you wise guys. A lute really? A lyre? What what.. what is that? Is that a fuckin glaive? (Bugsy: Voice 50s Mobster)’I didn’t notice that stuff it was dark, and they made a convincing con boss!’ (Vince: Voice 50s Mobster) ‘I don’t wanna hear it Bugsy. And anyways I see the dragon mirror thing we lost a lot of guys lifting, now sticking outta your robe. See these emblems on my robe? Two snakes, these other guys have one, means I’ve been around the block a few times.. lotsa one snakes come and go the hard way while I’m still here and I know the faces that belong down here. Couple that with fact Bondo never lets that mirror outta his sight. It’s either on him or within arms reach… so if you have it and he’s not here I’m thinking he’s dead. I know your our mark. Two bards.. a lanky boso that worships the ground they walk on with starry eyes, yeah I see the way your staring at them stretch! And hobbit that looks overworked and under appreciated. Look I’ll give you guys three options 1. We kill you and take your stuff. Personally I’ve had a hard enough week and with Bondo dead I’ve seen enough blood and would prefer to have a fresh start on Jesus Ranch, but we could sell your stuff to help finance a nice comfy retirement. 2. *sigh* its been years since I’ve heard someone play those instruments being in a high control cult like this.. maybe not since I was a kid. And part of me just wants so bad to hear a legit song, not amatuer stuff. Play us a song that moves us and we part ways I say. Prove you deserve to carry those instruments to spread your craft. 3. Just give us all your gold and all your rations. We all part ways. Your move…’ GM: “What does each party member want to do?” Once leaving the dungeon.GM: “The D emerges from the ruined tower and the morning feels a bit warmer. The air smells sweet and floral. Birds sing blissfully, announcing a fresh fodder of worms come to surface from the night’s rain. A rabbit bounds from bush to bush and a squirrel scampers up a tree disappearing into the leaves when she sees you. For a moment you forget the bleak carnarge you witnessed in the tower and take in the sunrise, which has painted the horizon a magnificent tapestry of pinks, purples, and blues. Dio has surely blessed this day with his divine rock. What does your party do?”
Chapter 13. Dragon encounter and mirror releases prisoners when Dragon inadvertently says release code word ‘Supreme’.
GM: “Do you play any songs whilst traveling? The first day’s travel is uneventful. You all enjoy the fresh air and strolling over grassy hills and taking breaks under the shade of ancient trees when you get warm. You snack and forage as you go, and fill your waterskins as needed as you cross streams and babbling brooks. The second day of traveling… around mid day you are traversing a sparsely wooded area of maple and oak trees. It is a sunny day but a cloud suddenly covers the entire area as far as you can see. With a booming woosh large wings flap and with a thunderous crash a massive dragon slams on the ground in front of you, splintering massive oak trees like twigs under red reptilian claws. Perform a dexterity saving throw dc 18. Fail will be knocked prone. The ancient dragon snorts and impossibly hot liquid like flame and sparks drop from his nostrils and smoke wafts out. He bellows in Draconic..(do they speak it? If not he tries common). (Red Dragon: Voice Brock Samson)”After you twist…. You hear a snap.. then the body goes all.. ragdoll on ya. Killing can be..uhm… messy work.. but once I get nice and pissed it’s hard to stop. You boys have something that belongs to me and I want it back. Us dragons tend to mind our own business… killing ants looses its appeal after a few thousand years and sleeping on a pile of treasure feels much more…. rewarding. Some insects stole something from me while I slept. A mirror. I woke up and killed a bunch of em anyway but one crawled into a hole with my mirror. One guy, yeah, he was just this new guy in a hardly used set of robes who got in over his head. And I could see it in his eyes that if I let him get away this one time he'd never come back...but then, I also thought...y'know...kill'im. I can smell what belongs to me.. on the surface, but below ground.. a bit harder to track. I blocked that uh dwarven passage thing by the mountains for a bit waiting for it to pop up, and here we are. If I cook you up that mirror might get broke so I.. might have to just… uhm… I’ll have to pull your little bodies apart with my big claws. And if you run I’ll hunt you down until the end of the earth. So what’s say you maybe just give that treasure back. And I’ll be on my way?’ GM: “what do you do?” No matter what happens here the release word Supreme is eventually spoken by the dragon, inadvertently triggering the mirror to release all captives. They are naked and disoriented, if the Dragon was about to attack them he instead loses interest in the mirror after learning it seems to spew out humans and simply leaves in disgust. Post this encounter when they are ready to move on… GM: “After the bizarre turn of events you finish your their journey Uneventful and looking over their shoulder for a Dragon that maybe would change his mind.”
Chapter 14. Escort prisoners to Meadowbrook.
GM:”Arriving back at Meadowbrook a mob is gathered around the royal estate they look, angry, hungry, and tired. As you approach the crowd a starving peasant with a faded green tunic, paper white skin and disheveled brown hair turns to speak with you. (Peasant: Voice Monty Python Man) “Bruce and his city hall council are all angry old shrivs! Blocking legalization of Longbottom Weed, and on penalty of death at that! They just killed a farmer because he got caught with longbottom!” Another angry peasant with a dirty face and red hair chimes in (Peasant: Voice Monty Python Woman) ‘King bruce is hoarding all the wealth while us people are starving and poor! There shouldn’t be such rich people.. and poor people.. I say is what I say *cough gag*’ As the D shoulders their way through the crowd a small child with a peg leg and wooden eye looks up at them (Peasant: Voice Monty Python Child) ‘The village *sniff sniff* golemns, while useful as for transportation, keep pooping everywhere *cough* and polluting our air with that nasty smoke they exhale... *sniff* If only someone would take over and help build a beh’ur, more eco friendly way to get around… some kind of *cough cough* tube *sniff* system”. A guard approaches and escorts you inside.
Chapter 15. King and city hall high council are POS… lets start a f’kn RIOT and burn down city hall!
GM: “You are escorted inside by the guard and walk through the royal palace to reach main hall. Insight check DC 10. (Pass:”Something feels off. On your initial visit, perhaps it was that first impression that misled you but on closer inspection the happy kingdom vibe seems more like a veneer and you see cracks in the veneer. Sidelong glances between chainmail coated guards, a cold feeling, and a feeling of disgust this time upon seeing the main hall banquet table covered in food knowing people just outside the royal palace’s doors, including children, are hungry.) As you pass by two guards two of them whisper to each other and hands the other a handkerchief with a black hand sewn phoenix on it. Most of you can’t make out what they say but Roadie perception check 5 that shiz. (Pass: “Maybe it wasn’t that it was too quiet for them to clearly make out because Roadie deciphers the Thieves cant between these two. OUR MARK so you know who’s who.)The guard escorting you to Bruce stops you while King Bruce finishes his meeting with Barnabus, the council member and map maker. (Barnabus: Voice Well Read English Man) ‘I understand the rest of the council agrees with you and I am meerly offering an alternative approach to consider my lord.’ (Bruce: Voice Wyrm Lotr) ‘My decision stands. My lineage will stay pure and my daughter will carry my child. Her role as a woman is to be merely a vessel for the male seed. She will do this whether she agrees or not and anyone who protests or is caught slandering this decision will be arrested by my men. You and your ‘approaches’ are dismissed Barnabus! I will deal with you later!’ Barnabus turns around looking defeated and lowers his head as he walks away, standing off to the side. Perception check 10 (Pass: you notice many of the guards are smiling smugly, almost mockingly at Barnabus. Baring their big grins, which look sharp and teethlike in this lighting, They remind you of hungry dogs ready to attack, foaming at the mouth. You also notice about 1/2 the guards have a phoenix kerchief somewhere on their person and are notably looking at uncomfortable, exchanging quick knowing glances.) You are brought before Bruce next. He chews a fat turkey leg as drippings saturate his thick gray beard and expensive robes. It seems Bruce can turn on the charms when he needs to and play the role of innocent old man but his true side is showing through the false facade. A servant dabs his beards and he kicks them away. (Bruce: Voice Wyrm Lotr) ‘What now? Who are you?’ He croaks as he chews.Bruce tries to stiff the D on payment. He despises them now as the peasants will be worshipping the D for rescuing so many people. He wants the D gone so he doesn’t have to share the attention of the people. One way or another there is a coup within the ranks of the militia and a riot breaks out outside. This translates out to an even match for the guards plus 4 vs 4 tough fight for the D.Bruce tries to stiff the D on payment. He despises them now as the peasants will be worshipping the D for rescuing so many people. He wants the D gone so he doesn’t have to share the attention of the people. One way or another there is a coup within the ranks of the militia and a riot breaks out outside. This translates out to an even match for the guards plus 4 vs 4 tough fight for the D. GM:”You hear a sudden banging on the keep door. Screaming from outside and slashing. A rock punches through a stain glass window showering the inside with a rainbow of colorful fragments that dance in the light. By the time the glass scatters across the marble floor a medley of shouting and banging steel on chainmail and plate erupts all around you. Screams are let loose from servants, who drop plates of wine goblets and run for cover as guards with phoenix handkerchiefs slam swords into other guards and the floor quickly gets saturated in pools of mixed blood and wine. A handful of guards without phoenixs’ set their eyes on you and step forward swords drawn. Roll for Initiative” After the D’s enemies are dead The D may either attack Bruce to kill him or if they choose another less violent option a guard’s arrow finds his eyeball, blood sprays, and he slumps over dead. GM:”King Bruce lays lifeless on the ground and suddenly his body begins to shake. It vibrates then slides like a ragdoll across the ground stopping only when it hits a wall. The corpse sits upright, puts both hands on his mouth and pulls, splitting iteself down the middle. As blood and bile floods out a dark figure seems to pull itself up out of the remains like a banana peel removed. As blood drips off orange and black wings snap out you see the skinny but muscular figure has a perfect circle of yellow horns on his head, making it look like it has a crown. It is wearing skin tight black leather armor head to toe exposing only it’s red face, which is long and slender displaying the longest widest eyebrows you have ever seen on any creature. With a golden breast plate, bracers, and thigh high yellow boots with pointed toes that curve upward. (Monarch: Voice Monarch) “Uuuuuuugh man that’s a pain being inside a short guy. My neck is gonna be sore for like a week.” GM: “a witness to this passes out, another runs off gagging, and another falls to his knees and violently throws up. DC roll arcana 5(Pass: based on the disturbing blood magic and his general appearance, you know he’s a Demon) (Monarch: Voice Monarch) “You guys are dicks you know that? You really messed up my whole thing I had going. What’s this giddup you have going anyways, what you’re musicians? Who are you?” Party actions/dialogue… (Monarch: Voice Monarch) “Well… *throws fists up* KNOW THIS TENACIOUS D! You’ve just engaged in a deadly game of cat and also cat! You’ve made a dire mistake by making me an arch enemy and rival! FEEEAR ME, as I loathe you with my demon hatred! Today you may have won, but I return to my lair to recover *grabs neck*, and mark my words you have not seen the last of…. THE MONARCH!” GM: “and with that there is a flash of orange light and smoke and he disappears.. perception check 15(Pass: Yea he just kinda casually walked out the door when everyone was distracted… he’s gone now). “There is still rioting, setting of fires, tipping of shit, breaking windows of small businesses, the building is on fire, What do you do?”
Chapter 16. Lead as two kings of Meadowbrook. Maybe change the name to something less lame. Legalize longbottom weed, install tubes for travel, eliminate division of wealth.
Once things settle..GM: “the mob starts a slow clap and begind chants of “Two Kings! Long live the D!” And present you with looted crowns/capes/scepters. KG’s is smaller as it was meant for a hobbit but that’s all they could find. You look around carried on their shoulders…Everyone is there cheering you on.. the townsfolk, the prostitute Kage slept with, Barnabus, Vince with some of the ex-cultists are clapping and smiling and nodding, a mangled bandaged up kobold that you didn’t quite finish off is even there leaning on his crutches and shouting (Kobold: voice back of throat mouse) ‘long live the D! I forgive you KG make love to me!” GM: "Even the red dragon does a low flyover and nods in approval, causing everyone to cream their pants and live happily ever after… for now…." Aftermath GM: “When the D takes over they get to claim Meadowbrook as their base of ops and rule it/rest their between Arcs/quests. They gain a lvl. Solving each of the main issues (tubes, establishing/enacting policy to correct division of wealth/and the full legalization and distribution of weed) each take 1000GP investment and 4Months real world time and grant the party a lvl up per improvement. As kings they can issue decrees shaping the culture and vibe of meadowbrook. They can change to name (Kickapoo 2?). They can tear down buildings/throw rock concerts/ set up restaurants with tasty foosh, install better plumbing that can handle massive donkey shites, etc. Some of the things, like throwing a massive bard rock concert, could potentially spawn mini quest arcs that require them to travel to far away exotic lands to recruit musicians. Barnabus is their POC for coordinating developments as he was the only council member who wasnt a POS.———-FIN———-
Chapter 17. Tenacious D group shared dream of legendary magical artifact “Brown Eyes” lute divided into 4 pieces and scattered through the lands. They sense they need to collect and reassemble brown eyes to combat impending evil. More adventure ARCs to come for the players as they travel through time and space to track down these pieces and rock!